Meditate With Your Clients, Not At Them

As a psychotherapist practicing for 10 years, I strive to find a balance between professional development, reflection and refinement in my methods. One such moment arrived in a training focused on integrating yoga therapy into EMDR, where a key lesson was how to apply somatic and breathwork techniques. Here, it was stressed that the therapist should keep their eyes open, looking at them while guiding them through the meditation. The rationale being that as therapists, we need to make sure we are observing our clients and monitoring their stability throughout the grounding process. The rationale seems sound. A therapist should monitor a client’s stability, particularly when working with trauma, dissociation or any other altered state of awareness. However, visual observation isn’t the only way to remain attuned.

I have both given and received countless guided meditations as both a professional and as a client. However, one can sympathize with the fact that many may find a certain amount of discomfort in having a therapist glaring at you while walking through a healing light journey. Even with closed eyes, the energy feels one-sided. Once you notice it, the subtle discomforts come to the surface. Their voice begins to feel rehearsed rather than embodied. Their cadence is robotic instead of empathetic, subject to the time pressure to keep to the script. I am struggling to justify to myself that it’s okay to take more time visualizing that light at the top of my head, while they are already speaking about it traveling down arms.

Often time, when the therapist keeps their eyes on the client it can amplify that imbalance. The therapist might think that they are running at a good pace, but two individuals cannot truly know that unless they are in the experience together. The simple act of reciting a script cannot convey the feeling of safety in the space by itself. On the contrary, being an active participant could.

I believe that the best results occur when the therapist prioritizes a shared experience over people pleasing, or simply doing what is more comfortable to the therapist. This is why I go through the experience with my clients, and not at them. When I walk through any type of meditation with a client, I close my eyes as I speak aloud and visualize the instructions as I give. If I’m visualizing a white healing light growing and expanding, I can give it real time its needs through my experience.

When the therapist is joining the client, they are regulating their own breath, emotions and visualizing in real time. There is an increased level of understanding that comes from the therapist in doing so. It slows the pace down and helps the therapist feel what is happening in the room. Mutual participation creates an organic dialogue since the therapist is experiencing the imagery too, whether it’s their own safe place or something the client is forming out loud. Sometimes I may even practice visualizing in my third eye what the client is describing and follow suit. It permits me to be more invested and ask more detailed questions to strengthen the imagery and experience. I’m not asking the client to go somewhere I’m unwilling to go myself. When I am aware of my own breath, body, emotions, and presence, I can create conditions that support the client’s own regulation.

What if some clinical instructions that are framed as being entirely for the clients benefit also serve a function for the therapist? What happens when we ask a client to close their eyes? Are we focused on the client’s experience, or are we prioritizing ourselves by creating optimal conditions to perform the intervention?

Many professional trainings stress being aware of the power imbalance between the therapist and the client. We know that, as a general rule, it is not about the therapist. It’s all about the client. As therapists, we need to check our emotional baggage at the door. I’m posing the question, is that entirely practical?

Transference and countertransference remind us that therapy is inherently relational. The client is having an experience of the therapist, and the therapist is having an experience of the client. With this piece, it’s important to acknowledge that the client can emotionally feel a therapist striving to maintain their professionalism. Sometimes clients can feel that brick wall. They can feel the fakeness. Acknowledging the asymmetry does not mean we have to reinforce it through our behavior. I believe that us doing the work together can be seen as an inspiration for the client. Similarly, going through a mediation may not always be perfect and easy and standard, and that’s part of the journey. Letting go of that control may be difficult, and may not be perfect every time, but it helps empathize and go through what worked and didn’t with the client from a shared perspective. The clinical task isn’t to pretend those experiences aren’t happening. The objective is to notice, understand and respond impactfully.  

This is crucial, because each time I have a new consult with a client, I hear about the connection they were missing with previous therapists. Whether it’s that the therapist didn’t provide them with what they needed when prompted, or that they never even asked, instead opting to hold long, uncomfortable silences. A superficial relationship between therapist and client can cause therapy to become repetitive or remain at the surface level, rather than creating the space for deeper exploration and meaningful change.

Therapists must be more present. We need to notice what’s not being said verbally. We need to notice what we are experiencing from the client. Whether that’s boredom, fear, anger, confusion, etc. Our internal experiences are occurring whether we acknowledge them or not, and most emotions go unacknowledged. These feelings and experiences allow for more depth and the most important aspect is that it’s experiential. Rather than watch you have an experience and tell you what to do, I am entering the experience alongside you. You can’t always understand what a client is experiencing cognitively. Sometimes you can only understand it through what happens in your own body in relationship with them.

Please email me questions, comments or blog post ideas to contact@heartinhandpsychotherapy.org